A Guy, A Girl, and A Strong Dislike for Society

Yes, I know I look like I’m 17.

Our volunteer group was assumed to be recent high school graduates. Then when it was corrected, I was looked at and he asked my age. He was in disbelief that I am 24. Apparently the guy at Wilson farms is right when he id’s me. I do look 17. Awesome.

I wasn’t even in New Orleans yet and I’ve met a cat lady. She told me how cats are just like little people. Right.

roundabouts aren’t really that difficult a concept. honestly.

and for the record, i call them “whoop-de-doos” for fun. cause it is fun, lets face it. only when people how to use them. which isn’t a lot. let’s review, shall we? yield. look for oncoming traffic. and then go when its clear. easy peasy. its not a, oh, they had a car go, now its my turn kinda deal. and its not like a stop sign where you just go when the other side went. ESP when there is someone driving towards you. i think that most horns are beeped here. in roundabouts. like small ones are easy, you just leave the circle when you need to. there arent multiple lanes. that’s when it gets tricky. like when that douchebag next to you to the left needs to exit and decides to cut  you off to make that exit. heave forbid he take another lap around the circle like national lampoon where they like just keep goin around and around. ok yes, i dont like to go around again but i also know where im going and don’t need to cut off the nearest driver to be like oh snap i need to get over. the road is plenty big enough, so share it and plan. let’s not wait until the last minute. and hey, when you see an oncoming car, here’s a hint. don’t friggen pull in front of it. just a heads up. its appreciated.

girl

isn’t it just crazy that when there’s a little yellow merging sign, it means you’re gonna have to move the hell over.

is it common courtesy nowadays to move over in a lane when oncoming merging traffic is coming? basically. it’s rude also. i mean the right legal and nice thing to do is say to yourself, oh hey, wow theres traffic about to move into my lane cause theres the nifty sign indicating it approaching, i should move over. so they dont have an accident or collision. or some shenanigans. so you shift on over. theres definitely no excuse when youre like in the lane there and then the one to your left is empty. it’s not like its rush hour and youre just being an asshole and can’t get the hell out of the way. common courtesy. i dont want to wonder if i will survive the merge onto the 190 south. theres no merge area. in fact, we have a yield sign and it actually says “no merge area” so take that. then its our job to wait it out. other than that, there usually isnt that much time or area to wait to merge and pray for a person who has a soul to move over to the lane so we don’t collide into another car or slam on our brakes or you know, collide into a median or some shit. anyways, i think they should post a little sign under the mergy arrow that says “hi, please move over. k thanx.” two things regarding this however: a lot of the population cannot read and i dont know how to make that into a reasonably sized picture that would be under height and size requirements for a sign of that magnitude. the other part being, i could you shorten it to text form, THAT everyone knows. mostly because hey, let’s face it, the reason that dick isn’t moving over into the other lane is because he was texting and driving and hey, didn’t see the damn merge sign. and because you can’t possibly check for oncoming traffic to your left in the mirror and use the turn signal and use the wheel to shift nasty if youre texting and driving. CLEARLY. i could make the sign: MTFO. move the fuck over. short and sweet. okay, maybe not so sweet. maybe a little too vulgar for the general population. especially with the 4 year old in the back seat asking what it means. to them, one should say something pleasant.

just a suggestion. when you get a chance, check out what those signs mean. maybe a little set of flash cards for you to peruse during red lights. its like: be kind, move over jerk.

girl

thanks for asking telling me you had three bucks in returns, ill pretend that its your way of saying “I’m good how are you?”

note: the question i ask is: “hi, how are you doing today?” with a perky smile. and let’s face it here, anyone reading this who knows me knows how hard it is for me not to be completely sarcastic. retail did that to me. anywho, its getting harder to smile and nod at this asshole remark about how their empties are so vitally important to their current life that they can bypass any sort of manners and politeness by any means. how about a round of applause for rudeness. and the award goes to….half the customers yesterday. swell. it’s been a pleasure having you stop by for your alcoholic purchase. have. a. great. freakin. day. (period is designed to emphasize sarcastic tone). the best part of the initial transaction thing is that after i ask how a person is today, i will then proceed to ask if that completes their purchase and if they had any returns. anyone who knows me will agree to the fact that im kind of like a robot and may or may not have the same conversation with each customer. basically cause im programmed for customer service with a smile. and it’s my job, ha. to remind people of their returns and ask if i can assist them in any other way and make their shopping experience any better, if even possible, ha.

in the meantime, while you dont smile across the counter and proceed to throw your dolla bills on the counter very far from my reach, rude (i have short arms, gimme a break here people) lets try to have an amiable conversation without you being rude about the money dispensing and the attitude as well, because i promise ill ask if you had returns, cause yes, i understand how impossible it is to remember a buck fifty from the back of the store.

-girl

let’s talk a hot second about sharing the damn sidewalk. or any public walkway for that matter.

its called common courtesy bitches. it’s a little much.  see they design the sidewalk in the city for like the span of two decent sized people. three tiny people, maybe. and these tiny people wouldn’t be wearing heavy winter jackets and hoodies to protect them from the oh, i dont know, 18 degree weather when they freeze there face off walking back two blocks from moving their car. anyways, lets get back to the point.  when you see someone approaching, its like oh hey, ill be a nice person, a decent person, and move over, so we can share the sidewalk, after all, they are made for two people walking in opposite directions.  duh.  so, when i move to the side and then two people like push their way past me while they converse about “OMG he texted her?! that skank!” seriously? im walking in the snow because of you. not that i don’t love snow, cause i do, in certain amounts and times, but that’s just dick. like really, you can still talk to the person you are with after the .5 seconds it takes to move to the side or behind the person you are with to let me past. and this goes for the mall too, like seriously, its alarmingly rude how people can be. just get your damn huge bags out of the way. i move mine to the other side so you can sneak past. no reason for evil glares and nudges.  not when there are three of you coming towards me and theres only one me! move aside. k thanks. let’s all take a lesson from courtesy. you don’t own the sidewalk, however shitty it is kept up (or not…). that would belong to the city of buffalo.

-girl

“for a female, you’re alright.”

real quote from a customer at the beer store.  i looked to my co workers for some help on clarifying what exactly this meant. so they look at me with blank quizzical stares. i then decide to take the moment into my own hands. take these matters elsewhere. break it down. i look at said old male customer and say, so what exactly does that mean? he just looks at me and blinks.  after a small pause, he says well most women are goofy. he used “goofy” of all the adjectives in the whole world. i kinda just looked at him like as if to say “is this real life?”

super glad i made the cut as to not be a goofy woman. now i can sleep at night. let the holiday season of retail and its goofy customers begin. hoooray.

Let’s talk about the give a penny take a penny jar

It’s exactly what it says: give a penny. Take a penny. Not take all 7 pennies and never leave one. That’s not how it works. Youre a scummy regular and I work everyday and I know that when you do this and try to play it off like its nbd an even embellish by saying “oh I threw my change In there yesterday” I’m totally calling shenanigans. I don’t believe you. I also know the truth. It’s not called “dear cheap ass customer, feel free to not contribute your change but take as much as you wish dish” for a reason. Sends the wrong message. Says that it is acceptable in our society to rob the niceness of the general public and take every damn penny cause you dont want the change in your shitty jacket pocket or you’re too damn lazy to run the 5 feet to your car where undoubtedly there is a cup holder loaded to the brim with change from the Tim hortons drive through. Take it easy on th jar. It’s the season of giving, not taking everything. Rude.

making christmas cards and ornaments with a glass of wine. what’s up christmas spirit.

i think it was the christmas music at work today that really made me in the mood to do said holiday activities.  i mean once i’ve heard burl ives, whats not to love? could have gone without three playings of “merry christmas darling” god i hate that song. its like depressing. or the one about shoes. talk about downer. its the holidays, supposed to be about cheer and snow and all that frosty crap, not dying cause you’re a match girl and can’t afford shoes. (sorry if that is offensive, but its damn depressing, honestly, and touching and all that, still.)  i know it happens, but still, i don’t necessarily want to hear it 14 times throughout the day when im trying to sell one of 336 beer gift baskets.  doesnt exactly set the mood for retail. am i right?

guess ill turn up the mariah carey christmas album. or the nsync home for the holidays. how bout some destinys child (on sale at best buy CD for 5 bucks)

-girl

Only…

whatilearn:

three practicals and two exams separate me from cherry vodka and christmas cookies. If only if were just 5 exams, I hate practicals.